a love letter to myself

I know you are in a very depressing atmosphere these days and it hurts me because I promised to you before that you will never feel that pain again. I wanted to comfort you and dry your tears but I’m so sorry because the only thing I can do is to have you this to read everyday the moment you wake up in the morning. You need this I’m sure. Before you start your day, thank God for that first then absorb each word that you’ll find in this letter.
Admit it or not you’re really hurting. She hurt you so bad, right? I saw how you suffered from the first day she betrayed you however you denied that by giving your best smile to everyone as if nothing happened. Stop pretending! It hurts you more; let your tears fall because God made it really to fall not to be salt away in your eyes. Have you ever forget that once you were Crying Eyes? Your tears comforts you…it makes you feel better…it makes you stronger. There’s no bad in crying, don’t hide it. I saw the last time you cried wherein you choose to bury your face in a pillow. Are you trying to suffocate yourself? I hope you’re not because I know you are a God-fearing person. Don’t do it again please you are scaring me.
As of now you are thinking a lot of things. It shows B’gee, you’re transparent even if you are trying not to. Many times I’ve been seeing you staring blankly into nothing. I know you love to daydream since you are kid which you didn’t listen to me every time I told you to stop it because it will bring you nothing. See now? None of your fantasies came true…it will just exist in your dreams but you are born not only to dream but to prove your worth and make your dreams come true. There are lots of unanswered questions in your eyes. Why those things happened? Why she betrayed you? All the whys…I know the answer B’gee.
“It happened because it was meant to happened, you was hurt because you are meant to be hurt.” Stop the sarcasm B’gee! We both knew that you were born gifted. Your parents nor your family didn’t know it, let’s go back to the very first moment you saw dead people. No one believes your story that’s why you prefer to deny that gift. You face your fear alone in that matter. All the things that happened, you knew it will happen. You knew that night that your uncle will die; you knew what will happen to maloi, you’re aware that you will be transferred in Iloilo, you predicted in the first moment of the things that will happen to you with lorlyn, and most of all you already foresee that she will betray you, but did you make any precautions? Nope, right? You waited for those moments then you suffered in the long run. Until when franz? Tell me exactly the answer; I’m tired knowing that you used to cry everyday because of her. You used to sing those songs to her even if she sings those songs to someone else. How pathetic! (sarap mo batukan!)